When love dies

Disclaimer: I wrote this entry during a while ago during a time when I was caught in the middle of a marriage that seemed to be falling apart.

It has been quite a while since I have blogged and to be honest I don't know why it has taken me two months to write. These past couple of months have been a little rough and I have had no motivation for anything besides doing the day to day tasks on my to do list.  Now you may be wondering why the title of this is what it is especially for a newlywed.  Well, the truth is that I have been thinking a lot about love lately, especially when it comes to people who have been married, dating or living together for quite some time.
I never envisioned myself as married and the only ideas I had about love were very far away and what I imagined it might be like for people from what I had seen in the movies. For example, when Pablo Neruda talks about it so delicately in his poems and how Sandra Cisneros is so honest and raw when she describes her love affairs with Mexican men. My all time favorite that still makes me cry is the the film "An Affair to Remember." It gets me every single time! These poetic ways to describing love are true and I have to say that for the most part I now understand that raw love, the delicate love and the love that makes you cry.  I now understand the heartfelt songs that are sung with such a sweet bitterness to them, the ones that when you sing them you can almost hear the animal inside of you howl from so much love either because you are so happy you found it or because you lost it.

So how does it go from a place where you know someone so well and love them so deeply that one day it just disappears? How do you have that love-hate intensely passionate, rip your hair out because you are so annoyed and yet you can't stop loving them kind of feeling, to the I never want to see you again feeling? Maybe I have it all messed up and it wasnt love to begin with? I by no means believe that I know it all, and this is why I ask. There is an example I would like to use from my own life. Sometimes there are days when my husband and I are just not communicating well with each other. For some reason we are just not getting along and anything we say to each other gets misunderstood and somehow twisted. One of us is left fighting to clarify or fighting because what the other person said is not what the other heard. Now, here is the one thing that makes the difference, both of us might be angry and somehow we find a way to grab the other person tightly and say "I love you." Not just "I love you," but GRRRRR I LOVE YOU! It is one of the hardest things to do and sometimes one of the hardest things to accept when we just finished yelling at each other. This one thing makes all the difference and maybe this one thing will be one thing to hold us together, I don't know. Now, let me just clarify that my husband and I are very happy together and by no means is this a topic about our relationship, but more or less this is me just trying to figure out what happens to couples who decide in the end that it is best to part ways. I am by no means an advocate for couples to stay together because of there are children or because they need to save face in front of others. However, there are circumstances in which sometimes it might be the best option. What I need to understand is why the love dies. This is a huge question and completely unanswerable because there are so many reasons and so many different opinions, but I would love to hear your thoughts because I need help understanding.